After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver,’ Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’
‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’
‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
‘Who’s going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you,’ says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
(Remember, he’s a German Pope.)
‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. ‘Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five. ‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.
‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, ‘ All the more reason!’
‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, ‘Who ya got there, the Mayor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘ The Governor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘The President?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘Who is it?’
Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’
Cop: ‘He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur.’
Bonus: The Man Who Knew Everyone
The Man Who Knew Everyone
Once, there was a man named Bob, who claimed he knew everyone. he always bragged to his boss about how many people he knew.
One day, his boss, Jack, was so fed up with him, that he said, “I bet you don’t even know the president!” For a moment Bob was speechless. Then, suddenly, he declared, “Oh, yes, him. Me and George Bush, we go way back.
In fact, we could go see him now. I know everyone in the airport, and most of them owe me favours. We could get free tickets faster than you can say ‘It’s an honour, Mr. President!'” Before long, they were standing outside of the white house. Bob rang the bell. A secret service agent came to the door. “Hey, what do you know, it’s Bob! I suppose you are here to see the president?” With that, they went inside. Bob and Jack sat down and had lunch, while explaining the situation to the president. Once they were done, Bob said, “It’s getting late. I think Jack needs to be at a meeting. Tell everyone I said hi.” And just like that, they left.
“OK, so you know the president,” Jack reasoned, “Who doesn’t? I am sure you don’t know the Queen of England!” “Oh, I know her! We could go right now, but you have a meeting.” “I can blow that one off,” Jack stated, “Let’s go!” When they arrived, the Queen answered, and invited them in for tea. Bob told her about speaking to the president, and how he was doing these days, and Jack got some of his questions about England answered. When it was all over, Jack and Bob emerged, Jack with an almost evil grin on his face.
He was having a great time, so he decided to keep Bob going. “You don’t know the Pope.” “What, you mean good ol’ Benedict? I was there with him praying for him to be chosen!” Bob answered, ” Obviously, you don’t have anywhere to be, so let’s go.” When they got to the Vatican, Bob realized, since there were tons of people standing outside, waiting for the pope to emerge on his balcony, the pope would never see him. “Give me 15 minutes, and I’ll be standing up there with the pope on his balcony. I know all of the guards, so it’ll be easy. Sure enough, a few minutes later, the pope was up there with Bob, shaking his hand and smiling.
When Bob came back down, he saw his boss, Jack, lying on a stretcher with an oxygen mask on, Medics hovering over him. “Jack! Are you okay? what happened?” Bob said, worrying. Jack pulled the oxygen mask away from his face and said, “I had a heart attack. I was fine when I saw you up there, and figured you had won. But then, when you started coming down, I heard someone asking, “Who was that just up there on the balcony, shaking the hand of Bob?”
HEARTS ON FIRE 
Those were good Fr. Paul. I especially like the first one! Thanks for sharing.
One of the things I most treasure about being Catholic is we have a sense of humor about ourselves just as people of the Jewish faith. Just as Jews tell jokes about Abraham and Moses and famous rabbis, we tell jokes about Jesus, the saints, and the pope.
This made me smile,I liked the first one the best.
Father,
These were so funny! Thanks for the laugh!