Why Linus is the Only Child Theologian

[When I was a first grade student at St. Margaret Mary School I attended a First Friday Mass followed by benediction. No one told me why incense was used. But I was able to figure it out on my own — it was used to kill flies in church. What follows are examples of similar misunderstandings by children. Feel free to share others by making a comment below.]

The first book of the Bible is Guinessis, in which Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.

Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.

The 7th commandment is ‘Thou shalt not admit adultery.’

Joshua led the Hebrew in the battle of Geritol.

David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

The people who followed Jesus were called the 13 decibels.

The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew.

Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

A Godly person should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

[Enjoy this remarkable song by a great Jazz composer and musician — Vince Girardi. Bet it makes you smile!]

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About Paul Wharton

I am a cradle Catholic, a native West Virginian, and a priest since April 24, 1982. Spiritual Direction has made a tremendous difference in my life and I encourage people to try it out. My motto is "Progress not perfection." I am grateful that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.
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2 Responses to Why Linus is the Only Child Theologian

  1. Our Father who art in Heaven
    Harold be Thy name …

  2. CAROLYN GIPSON says:

    How about “Annoying the sick”? This came from one of the kids in my faith formation class.

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