Secrets to Writing a Blog: Part 1. (irony alert)

Good Rules for Writing

1. Avoid alliteration.  Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren’t necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know.”
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s
highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences?  Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don’t never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with
point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal
of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.  (Remember,
too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long
sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb
is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with
singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. The adverb always follows the verb.
40. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old
hat; seek viable alternatives.

[Funny Times is a humor magazine with cartoons and columnists that make you laugh, moan, scream and cry. They are kind enough to allow me to reprint the occasional cartoon.  Of course, humor — like beauty — is often in the eye or ear of the beholder. http://www.funnytimes.com%5D

Advertisements

About Paul Wharton

I am a cradle Catholic, a native West Virginian, and a priest since April 24, 1982. Spiritual Direction has made a tremendous difference in my life and I encourage people to try it out. My motto is "Progress not perfection." I am grateful that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Secrets to Writing a Blog: Part 1. (irony alert)

  1. Matt Smith says:

    I intend, through the judicious use of adverbs in their construction, and in passages both nubilous and indeterminate (in other words, passages written in the manner of a mallard making meerkat moans), to greatly increase the manifestness of otherwise ambiguous prose by splitting the infinitive where appropriate.

    In other words: to boldly split where no man has split before.

  2. Paul Wharton says:

    Very well said. It reminds me of a joke or two. Ask me to tell you some time.

  3. Very funny! Rules for a writer to live by. I had a college English professor who reminded us over and over again two rules of writing: (1) learn all the rules and then feel free to break them when necessary; and (2) keep writing simple, tight, and interesting.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s