Fun with Cell Phones

Part I:

Andrew was laying down carpet in some woman’s home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. He looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. He decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.
When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.
“Andrew, The carpet looks wonderful!” she exclaimed. “Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, by the way, have you seen my cell phone?”

Part II:

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:


“Honey, It’s me.”


“Are you at the club?”


“Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.”

“Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2012 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $75,000!”

“Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”


“It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?”

“Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”


The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?”

Part III:


About Paul Wharton

I am a cradle Catholic, a native West Virginian, and a priest since April 24, 1982. Spiritual Direction has made a tremendous difference in my life and I encourage people to try it out. My motto is "Progress not perfection." I am grateful that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.
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2 Responses to Fun with Cell Phones

  1. Lisa Musolin says:

    Hehe! Hilarious and, so typical!

  2. Karen Stuebing says:

    That video made me RFLOL. I started singing Wireless in Heaven.

    “Is there wireless in heaven
    I just want to know
    Do I need a password
    To log in when I go
    And does Jesus have a website
    To answer my email
    Is there wireless in heaven
    Or do I go to hell?”

    Here is another of my pet peeves. People who go to church when they’re sick.

    I was sitting a pew with a woman who had an entire box of kleenex in her purse. Throughout the service, she would take a new one, blow her nose and put the used one in her purse every two minutes. That was when she wasn’t coughing. Coughing didn’t require a kleenex apparently.

    At least she did not attempt to exchange the sign of peace with anyone and I always carry hand sanitizer anyway. However, do these people not realize that viruses are also AIRBORNE and Jesus does excuse you if you are sick? Jesus likes people to go to church and if you are the vector of a bad virus and infect the entire congregation and most of the people DO have the sense to stay home, nobody will be at the service, will they?

    Jesus does not encase you in an invisible hazmat suit so you can attend when you’re ill. He gave you a brain. Use it.

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