Silly Saturday – Yuletide Yucks (Christmas Humor)

THE LONG AND…………..
Three grown sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. When they got together at the Orange Bowl on January 1,  they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. 

The oldest said: “I built a big house for our mother.”

The middle son said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The youngest son said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible, but at her age she can’t see very well. So I’ve sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks to her three sons.

To her oldest son, she wrote “The house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

To her middle son, she wrote, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”

But to her youngest son, “The little chicken you sent was delicious!”
 

……….AND THE SHORT

What did the sheep say to the shepherd? Seasons Bleatings 

How did Scrooge win the football game? 
The ghost of Christmas passed.

What is green, covered with tinsel and says, “Ribbit, ribbit?” 
A mistle-toad.

What do you get if you cross a Yule Log with a duck? 
A Fire Quacker

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it!
 
 How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

You better get spruced up if you’re going to sell Christmas trees.

Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.

What do elves have to learn before they can read?
The elf abet. 

“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.
“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.
“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

What does a reindeer do when he has an upset stomach?
He takes an elk-a-seltzer.

Does Santa have any money? No. That is why they call him Saint Nickeless.

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About Paul Wharton

I am a cradle Catholic, a native West Virginian, and a priest since April 24, 1982. Spiritual Direction has made a tremendous difference in my life and I encourage people to try it out. My motto is "Progress not perfection." I am grateful that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.
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3 Responses to Silly Saturday – Yuletide Yucks (Christmas Humor)

  1. Anne Comeaux says:

    Oh, groan. At least it starts my Saturday off knowing that I can look forward to tomorrow’s homily.

  2. Very funny! Let me add another:

    A Russian Communist was arguing with his wife, who insisted it was snowing outside their Moscow apartment. Finally he took her arm and moved her towards the window. “You are right!” she said, and he replied. “Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.”

    Sal

  3. Cindy (Romano) McGraw says:

    Here is another little joke to go along with the ones you posted. Not meant to be rude or make fun of Christmas….

    We all know that scripture has been edited, added and delted over the past 2000 years. Even now, some of the wording in Church is changing. Until the 9th Century, there were 4 wisemen mentioned in the bible. Do you know why one was taken out???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/

    He brought fruit cake.

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