Confessional Chuckles on a Silly Saturday

confession Pictures, Images and Photos

[The vitriol and venom one finds so readily on the Internet is an unfortunate, but sad reality. On most Saturdays I have been taking a light-hearted approach about what I post. But in this age when many Catholics are taking it upon themselves to report priests whose orthodoxy they deem lacking, I preface today’s post with a few remarks:
(1) We human beings often joke about things that make us nervous.
(2) Part of what makes Roman Catholics who we are is our ability to laugh at ourselves.
(3) During Advent and Lent and when the Sunday gospels address sin and repentance I preach about it.
(4) The privilege of helping penitents celebrate and experience God’s forgiveness, mercy, and love is a wonderful gift.
(5) What follows are jokes meant to make us laugh, but also to get us to thinking, “Isn’t it time to come back to this under-appreciated and all-too-infrequently celebrated sacrament.”
(6) if you don’t have a sense of humor enabling you to laugh at what it means to be Catholic, stop reading NOW and come back tomorrow for something serious.

(1)  A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away.from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom, scantily clad women.

He hears a priest come in. He says to the astonished-looking priest:  “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”  The priest replies, “Get out. You’re on my side.”

(2)  A priest was a huge Notre Dame Football Fan.  It was the Saturday afternoon of the biggest game of the year.  The priest desperately wanted to watch it, but he had to be in Church so people could come to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  At one point, his janitor came in and went to confession.  The priest said, “John, do me a favor:  find out what the score of the Notre Dame game is, get back in line, and let me know.”  About 20 minutes later, the janitor comes into the reconciliation room and says, “Bless me, Father for I have sinned.  It has been 20 minutes since my last confession.  I ain’t done nothing and neither has Notre Dame!”

(3) Not so very long ago, an old German man was feeling guilty about something he had done, so he decided to go to Confession.  He said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I feel terrible because during World War II I hid a refugee in my attic.”

The priest said, “But that’s not a sin! I wouldn’t feel bad about that if I were you!”

“But I made him agree to pay me 50 Marks for every week he stayed.”

The priest said, “Well, I admit that certainly wasn’t the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life — but you did save his life, after all, and that is a good thing. Don’t worry about it too much; God forgives.”

The man said, “Oh thank you, Father, that eases my mind. I have only one more question to ask you — Do I have to tell him the war is over?”

[PHOTO by irietag on photobucket.com]

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About Paul Wharton

I am a cradle Catholic, a native West Virginian, and a priest since April 24, 1982. Spiritual Direction has made a tremendous difference in my life and I encourage people to try it out. My motto is "Progress not perfection." I am grateful that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.
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7 Responses to Confessional Chuckles on a Silly Saturday

  1. Kathy says:

    very cute – always good to have a chuckle. Blessings

  2. Laura Rogers says:

    Thanks for the smiles! I enjoyed being entertained! 🙂

  3. annette morgan says:

    i laughed out loud at the first one! hehehehehe

  4. Sharon Shatzer says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
    Thanks, Fr. Paul!!! 😀

  5. Kelly Rose says:

    Unorthodox priests are the best kind! I can think of worst things a priest could be reported for! Ahahaha! How’s that for a nervous joke? (inyourfacegrin:) Oh dear. I’m trouble.

    But sign me up for the unorthodox church! That’s what made the Flying Nun so great! Girl could fly!

  6. “Father, why is my penance 5 Hail Mary’s; last week it was only 3 Hail Mary’s for the same sins?”

    “Inflation!”

    God bless you Father for your sense of humour.

  7. Linda Higgs says:

    The jokes are great, Father. Thanks for being ‘brave enough’ to share a few laughs!

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