The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The realist says the glass contains half the required amount of liquid for it to overflow.
And the cynic… wonders who drank the other half.
The cheapskate is only concerned about who is paying for the next round.
The ground-down mother of a persistently demanding five-year-old says sweetheart it’s whatever you want it to be, just please let mommy have five minutes peace and quiet.
The homemaker sees the dirty glass, washes and dries it, then puts it away.
The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by next morning.
The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn’t.
The sycophant will say whatever the boss wants to hear.
The logician says that where the glass is in process of being filled then it is half full; where it is in the process of being emptied then it is half empty; and where its status in terms of being filled or emptied is unknown then the answer is, “Its a mystery.”
The grammarian says that while the terms half-full and half-empty are colloquially acceptable the glass can technically be neither since both full and empty are absolute states and therefore are incapable of being halved or modified in any way.
The philosopher says that the glass is not empty at all – it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air – hence, fully filled on the whole!
The obsessive compulsive postpones the question until the level is checked, and checked again, and again, and again…
The germaphobe says yuck, someone drank out of it and left their germs on the glass.
The co-dependent hurries to fill your glass, but not so completely that you would spill it and get upset. Because when you get upset…
The Zen Buddhist says the glass is neither half full or half empty, the glass simply IS.
The recently ordained Reformer of the Reform chastises the priest for using glass instead of precious metal and calling it a cup instead of a chalice.
The optimist says: “The glass is half-full.” The pessimist says: “The glass is half-empty”. And while they are arguing, the pragmatist takes the glass and drinks it.
[adapted and added to from businessballs.com and other websites].
[This photo was released into the public domain by Derek Jensen (Tysto) and available on Wikkimedia Commons.]