Parents need more words to describe the weird things that happen to them on a regular basis. Here are some suggestions.
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPETUATION (kar pet’ u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. UNDUST (un dust’) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. The act of manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. LATTEBLOW (la tay’ blow) v. Unintentional expusion of milk through the nose during a laugh.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun )n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.
[Funny Times is a humor magazine with cartoons and columnists that make you laugh, moan, scream and cry. They are kind enough to allow me to reprint the occasional cartoon. Of course, humor — like beauty — is often in the eye or ear of the beholder. http://www.funnytimes.com]