Did You Hear the One About a Priest….? – Silly Saturday Selections   


Act I

Father Martin was making his rounds on a bicycle in order to get more exercise and lose some weight when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.  

‘How much do you want for the mower?’ asked the priest. .

‘I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,’ said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the priest asked, ‘Will you take my bike in trade for it?’

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, ‘Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.’  The priest took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.

Father Martin called the little boy over and said, ‘I can’t get this mower to start.’

The little boy said, ‘That’s because you have to cuss at it to get it started.’

The priest said, ‘I can’t cuss. It’s been so long that I don’t even remember how to swear.’

The little boy looked at him happily and said, ‘You just keep pulling on that rope. It’ll come back to ya.’

Act II

Fr. Martin  was walking down the street when he came upon a group of four boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.  They were standing around a West Virginia brown dog tied to a stake.   Afraid the boys might be hurting the dog, he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?”

One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray.  We all want him, but only one of us can take  him home.  So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

Of course, the priest was horrified.  “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed.  He asked,    “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie,”   He then launched into a five minute sermon against lying, quoting the Bible, the pope, and two saints. and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”

There was dead silence for about a minute.  Just as Father Martin  was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, you win.  Give him the dog.”


A boy was riding his bike down the street.   As he passed by the rectory he popped a wheelie, the front tire came off and he crashed. “Well, I’ll be damned!” he said. Father Martin said “Don’t swear my son.  The next time something bad happens say ‘God bless me.”

The next day the priest was outside looking for his morning paper when the boy pops a wheelie, his front tire comes off, and he crashes, “Well, I’ll be damned!” the boy swears.  “No.” says the priest correcting the boy.   “Say ‘God bless me.”

The very next day boy rides by the rectory, sees the priest, and pops a wheelie.  Again the wheel flys off, but the boy yells “God bless me!”  Suddenly, the wheel jumps back on the bike and the boy keeps on going. Father Martin whispers to himself, “Well, I’ll be damned.”

[Cartoon:  http://catholiccartoonblog.blogspot.com/ ]


About Paul Wharton

I am a cradle Catholic, a native West Virginian, and a priest since April 24, 1982. Spiritual Direction has made a tremendous difference in my life and I encourage people to try it out. My motto is "Progress not perfection." I am grateful that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.
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One Response to Did You Hear the One About a Priest….? – Silly Saturday Selections   

  1. Denise says:

    Thank you! So cute and right on target, too.

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